The kindergarten bully who I hope still has a small penis.

Most of you who know me know this story but I have nothing else to blog about, well nothing publicly anyway so I dove into the recesses of my memory to find you a story from my past.

So before I went to a  girl’s convent school, I was in a co-ed school.  It was 1989 (Jesus. I’m ancient!) and we had just moved to a new area and a new school which I hated with every fiber of my being. Mostly because while all the girls sat with girls, I was forced to sit next to a boy. Now, he was not just another boy, he was the devil himself, even more horrible than the kid in The Omen, because at least that kid had a purpose…kill mom and become anti-christ. This kid however seemed to enjoy make me cringe just for the fuck of it, as if it gave him whatever the equivalent of an erection is when you’re 4 years old.

I’m not being dramatic here. He was AWFUL!  Every day, he would scream at me, poke me with his pencil, make me cry, throw my pretty bag and not give me any space on that already tiny bench. Now I know that boys tend to act mean when they have a thing for you but I assure you, the only thing he had for me was…hatred. How anyone could hate me with my strange but shiny hair and saucy legs (see photo to believe),  I will never know and yet, here he was…the ENEMY.

Anyhoo, this went on for a couple of days while I silently put up with his shit until one day after class, (brace yourselves for this) he took out his little slimy penis and peed on me!!! Yes, I was literally covered in another man’s smelly pee and no one did anything about it ! Worst day of my life! I went home. I cried. Enter amma who complained to the teacher who promptly made me sit with one of the girls and beat icky penis boy with a giant ruler.

I could have been scarred for life. I could have become one of those women who never wanted to see a penis again. But being the strong woman that I am, I moved on. Penises and I are now friends.

God I wish I could remember his name!