I watched Chargesheet and survived…

You either have to be Dev Anand or deranged to make something like this and you really have to be some kind of special to watch it and more importantly survive it. So I expect a “Good job” or money or something for Sumit and I.  So we arrived at 24 Karat, Jogeshwari, happy and excited as we always are for such movies.

Excited before the movie.

After waiting for 45 minutes (Yep, we were that early), it was finally time! Now you know how people say “Dude that theater was literally empty when we watched X movie!” but you know literally really means there were at least five other people in the movie hall? Well in our story, there LITERALLY was no one else, not in the stall, not in the balcony. Creepy. So here we were…Sumit, I and Dev Anand at what felt like a special, private screening of CHARGESHEET…

Screenshot!

If I had to sum it up, Chargesheet is a tale of Bollywood, greed, corruption and breasts…lots of ugly, in your face breasts. Anyway, the movie starts with a couple of random people getting shot by the police and then moves to Dubai where underworld don/bhai Naseeruddin Shah is busy talking dirty with his “mehbooba” and then there’s a Bollywood themed song with Riya Sen in what is easily her best performance till date. So Mehbooba’s (I forget her character’s name) big dream in life is to be a Bollywood star so “bhai” immediately calls up his loyal trio of an actor, director (Jackie Shroff) and writer in India and orders them to make a movie asap with her in the leading role. We are also briefly  introduced to Gambhir Singh (Dev Anand) who is a retired super cop. Move over Chulbul Pandey!

"Mehbooba"

Cut to Mahabaleshwar where we are introduced to Cham Cham who is  essentially a penniless street artist(?) who wears skimpy clothes, carries a pink guitar, sings whenever she needs money in the voice of Asha Bhosle and does pelvic thrusts while people throw money at her and lives in a tent. No really, a tent! Also, she may be poor but she’s not a prostitute even though she says things like “choone ke liye 100 rs, handshake ka 200 rs.”  Umm don’t you mean handjob?  Anyhow, all Cham Cham wants is to be a movie star (Yep, just like Mehbooba) and also an expensive lehenga choli, which may not seem like important information right now but really is the center of the story. Cham Cham’s lover = Ramu . This guy is SO special.

Cham Cham

Cham Cham <3 Ramu

Then there’s Divya Dutta *barf* who happens to be an ex-supserstar and also Dev Anand’s estranged daughter in law. So, she’s mad about this whole new heroine situation and lands up in Mahabaleshwar to try and convince Jackie Shroff to change his mind. He refuses. She gets mad. She blackmails. She gets slapped. She tries to convince the fucktard lead hero. He refuses. She blackmails. She gets slapped. At some point, Gambhir Singh shows up and gives her a lecture while showing her his collection of her “nangi” photos (totally inappropriate behavior for a father in law btw) and then, he tries to choke her(!). Later that night, she gets shot to death while rocking on a rocking chair. The big mustery: Whodunit?

"Gambhir to daughter-in-law, "Tumhari nangi tasveere blah blah blah""

The cops narrow it down to the three men who last had a fight with her so yes, Gambhir Singh, ex super cop is now a murder suspect! A couple of corrupt cops, deals with the “bhai” and one “spitting chai on evil cop’s face” scene later (refer to promo), Gambhir is delusional enough to ask the home minister (played by Amar Singh!) to let him lead the case. What? A murder suspect leading the same investigation he’s a suspect in ? That’s madness you say? Not when he’s the awesome Gambhir Singh! So yes, he gets permission to lead the investigation. A couple of wtf moments and more boob shots later, it all culminates into a shootout situation with people randomly shooting and getting shot. I’m still not sure how it even got there. Somewhere in the middle, Dev Anand  Gambhir Singh fumbles, loses his glasses and an unfazed white girl is kind enough to return it to him after which she announces that she’s here in Mahabaleshwar trekking. Yes, thank you bitch for that absolutely random piece of information in the middle of a shootout.

Anyhow, at the end of it, evil guys die, justice prevails thanks to Gambhir Singh, Cham Cham gets the lehenga and goes on to become some sort of popstar. Did I mention the dialogues were PHENOMENAL? I’m still not sure how the shootout scenes at the beginning fit with the rest of the movie. Also, can someone explain wtf a “police model gun” is? Before you go, sing along won’t you? Chargesheeet Chargesheeeet Chargesheeeet….

P.S: If you have a friend like Dev Anand, shoot yourself so you’ll never have to do him favors like poor Naseeruddin Shah. Also, a fair warning, you may end up looking something like this after the movie:

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